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We recently welcomed a puppy into our family. Her name is Luna! ❤️
And as you can imagine, we’ve been hard at work training her while she is young.
So of course I’ve been reading and watching all of the material on how to train a puppy. (Interestingly, it’s not dissimilar to training a human! 😉)
For toilet training a puppy, one of the comments that comes up a lot from the top dog trainers around the world is this:
“If the puppy messes in a place where you don’t want them to, it’s all on you.”
It’s not the puppy’s fault.
It’s my fault for not communicating effectively.
It’s my fault for not watching her signals.
It’s my fault for not giving her the best opportunity to succeed.
And shouting at her, or punishing her actually won’t help her change her behaviour, in fact, it makes her more inclined to do the opposite of what I want.
I have to change if you want her to change.
It’s all on me.
This is not a statement to judge my ability or potential as a dog owner and trainer – it’s a statement to discover what I can do differently next time to get a better result.
Because if it’s all on me, then I get to think about how I could adjust the way I train or communicate to be more effective to help her learn what I want.
Now imagine if we could use this same principle with ALL communication?
And as a leader imagine implementing this way of communicating with your team?
Imagine if every time someone doesn’t do what we want them to do we think: “It’s all on me. What can I do differently next time?”
Imagine if every time we have an argument or a misunderstanding with someone, we can use it as an opportunity to grow our communication ability?
It makes complete sense.
Our ability to communicate powerfully as a leader comes from OUR actions and the way we communicate, and not the actions (or inactions) of others.
So, if you want to grow your communication ability and influence more people (clients, colleagues, family etc.) then whenever someone doesn’t do what you want them to do, take full responsibility: “It’s all on me.”
Remember, this isn’t used to judge or mentally beat yourself up, it’s a statement to discover how you can communicate better to get different results.
Think about where in your life someone isn’t doing what you want them to do.
Ask yourself: “This is all on me. What can I do differently to communicate what I want, to get better results in this situation?”
- COACHING: If you would like guidance on communicating effectively or dealing with people who may be “hard” to communicate with, then book a free consultation with me here.